five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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