I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
