I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ambien. No doubt about it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
third nipple confirmed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
