she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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