About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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