I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
