well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The best revenge is premature balding
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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