She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
