I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
