theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
