i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
