Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
