I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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