So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
