Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
