i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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