Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
