I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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