Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
