Sponge bath it is.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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