i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
