everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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