Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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