I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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