I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
