I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
