I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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