you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
