So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
