Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
