fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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