Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
