They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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