I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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