after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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