there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
