He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
