shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
