wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize