UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
