I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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