Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
