Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
