Don't EVER smell your tampon
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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