I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
