i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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