he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
