you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
