She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
