Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
