she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
