used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
