you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
