Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
third nipple confirmed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
