My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
