i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
