Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
