I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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