So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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