Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
