I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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