GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
