Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
