thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
