I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
