You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
