need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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