the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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