To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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