I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
