Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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