I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
