My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
